The Golden Principles of Relational Intelligence
Yes, when it comes down to relationships, feelings and sensitivities are always involved. Yes, conversations can easily become difficult and messy.
But you don’t have to get lost in the noise. Relational intelligence is a tangible approach that enables you to engage with others in a smart way, transforming messy conversations into moments of authentic connection.
Here are five golden principles to guide you:
1. Listen First
Before you say anything, you must first check in with yourself to clarify what you want to say. Then, take a moment to check in with the person in front of you. Are they present? Are they open to listening?
This is a worthwhile habit to cultivate. Without it, you may find that what you say goes in one ear and out the other. It's not about becoming an expert in deciphering body language. It's about acknowledging yourself and the person in front of you and honoring the flow of true connection.
2. Respond, Don't React
There is always time to create space between a trigger and your response. Make sure you take the necessary break. Otherwise, you’ll miss the essential internal conversation.
When you are angry and fail to pause, lashing out or pushing forward becomes your default go-to reaction, creating the illusion that you are sorting out the situation. Reacting usually creates new problems that you later have to solve.
3. Strive for Clarity
Stop when you are not present. Check in, or simply ask a question to clarify. You don’t need to understand every single detail, but when you're not following the conversation, you'll feel disconnected.
A conversation is a co-creation. When you mentally check out, you leave the other person feeling alone and confused. By asking for clarity, however, you co-create the conversation and stay connected.
4. Honor Efforts
In any tough conversation, it is important to remember that you are both trying. We all occasionally say what is regarded as "the wrong thing." We can take the learning for our inner conversation and do better next time.
Remember that even "wrong" words contain an element of care that can be valued. When you shift your focus to the intention behind the words, connection can be restored.
5. Speak the Truth, Compassionately
The truth might still hurt. However, when it is delivered with compassion, both hearts remain open and connection can flourish. Compassion isn’t a code name for fluffy truths or sugarcoating. It simply creates an environment in which the truth can be spoken with understanding and empathy.
Putting Principles into Practice
Reconnect with yourself before and after every action. Lean in when you need comfort. You are never alone in your inner conversations. You are always heard and cared for. That’s significant.
Mastering these five golden principles requires intentional practice. If you are ready to take the next step and apply your understanding of the theory to your professional and personal life with confidence, we are here to guide you.
Not sure how to get started? Let's Talk.